


Deserve

by Qayin



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:00:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28761441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qayin/pseuds/Qayin
Summary: “You look good with a kid in your arms,” Boyd said to Derek. And the thing was that Derek did look like the kind of man who should have children in his arms, rocking them and keeping them safe from the world Derek knew was inhospitable and cruel. Derek had lost so much. He deserved little Hales’ looking up to him, teaching them how to growl like a big scary werewolf. Derek deserved that so much, but the thing was that Stiles didn’t want to give him that. Stiles should fess up to the truth, tell Derek that children were never happening and give Derek his blessing to go out and seek a partner who was willing to give Derek all that he deserved. But Stiles was a shitty person, so he didn’t.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 6
Kudos: 253





	Deserve

The first time it happened, Derek was standing with Erica and Boyd’s first kid Vernon, only a few weeks old, in his arms. He was rocking the little tyke in his massive arms, keeping him close to his chest. Derek’s bright green eyes were on the baby, and he hummed a lullaby Stiles hadn’t heard under his breath, kind of like he wasn’t aware he was doing it. 

“You look good with a kid in your arms,” Boyd said flippantly, just an observation. But to Stiles it felt like a punch in the gut and his eyes glued onto Derek and the baby. Because Boyd was right. Derek did look good with a kid on his arm. 

He looked like the kind of man who should  _ have _ children in his arms, rocking them and keeping them safe from the world Derek knew was inhospitable and cruel. 

And Stiles felt dread growing in his chest. 

* * *

Thing is, Stiles didn’t hate kids. He loved Vernon, and when Vernon’s little sister Alicia arrived he was as excited as the rest of the pack. He babysat, changed diapers, taught them swear words they were way too young to know. It was hilarious. 

He was the godfather of Scott and Malia’s daughter Kylie. 

It was Stiles that had been supportive when Ethan and Jackson -  _ Jackson _ of all people - started talking about having a surrogacy-baby, while Derek had frowned and looked uncertain. 

But that nagging feeling in his chest grew whenever he saw Derek handling the kids of the pack. Because he  _ did _ look good with kids. He was good with kids. 

And Stiles had tried to be as supportive as he could for Jackson, because he knew how hard not having blood-relations had been for him. How lost that had made Jackson feel, to the point where he lost his own identity and became a freaking lizard monster. Some people needed that blood-bond to tie them together with other people and make them appreciate the world. 

So that he was so…  _ unsupportive _ of the idea of Derek being the one to have such blood ties made him feel like an ass. Because Derek deserved those ties. He had lost so much. He deserved little Hales’ looking up to him, teaching them how to growl like a big scary werewolf. 

Derek deserved that so much, but the thing was that Stiles didn’t want to give him that. 

* * *

The problem had nothing to do with that Stiles was  _ unable _ to give Derek children, considering that he didn’t have a uterus. That was, if perhaps not the easiest thing to sidestep, not the issue. Surrogacy worked for Jackson and Ethan, it could work for Derek. 

Stiles didn’t think adoption made a family any less, either, so it wasn’t like he thought that their kids wouldn’t be his just because they would be biologically Derek’s and some random woman’s. No, that wasn’t the problem. 

The problem was that Stiles didn’t want to be a parent, full stop. And he was being selfish. He wanted to keep Derek. So he never told Derek that he definitely, never ever ever, wanted that in the future. Because if he didn’t say it he could keep Derek with him for longer. If he never hinted that children weren't in the cards, Derek wouldn’t leave. 

And Stiles felt awful for not saying that to his boyfriend, because Derek deserved to have what he wanted. 

Little Hales with Derek’s green eyes and permanent scowls on their faces. Stiles knew it would be adorable, especially when they’d break their scowls and smile warmly just like Derek did in unguarded moments. 

Stiles was just a shitty person. 

* * *

The fourth hundred and eleventh time it happened Derek was making a flower crown for Kylie while Vernon and Alicia sat next to him, chatting about everything they were going to do for Midsummer, because, apparently, Midsummer was a thing werewolves celebrated, so the Hale-McCall pack celebrated the shit out of it. 

And Derek was so fucking attentive to the little dramas they told him, like it was of even more importance than the drama the adults of the pack exprienced. And Stiles was holding Jackson and Ethan’s little Veronica in his arms, and it should be Derek’s baby he held, he knew it should. 

But damn if the thought didn’t make him feel like he wanted to cry. 

Stiles knew what he should do. He should fess up to the truth, tell Derek that it was never happening and give Derek his blessing to go out and seek a partner who was willing to give Derek all that he deserved. 

But Stiles was a shitty person, so he didn’t. 

* * *

It was only when Derek sank to his knees on Midsummer’s night, having dragged Stiles into a private grove for what Stiles thought was a quickie that Stiles knew that this had gone on long enough. 

He had to tell Derek. Derek deserved to know. 

“Stiles, I - you know I’m not good with words,” Derek said, softly and a bit hesitant. Stiles would tell him, but there was nothing that said he couldn’t hear what Derek had planned to lead the proposal with. Stiles knew that along with being a shitty person he was also a weak person. 

“I’m not particularly good with emotions either,” Derek said and squeezed his hand. “But I love you. And I want to marry you.” 

Stiles felt a lot of emotions bubble up in his throat. A lot of words that wanted to come out, like how  _ that wasn’t really a question, was it _ , and  _ aw you big lug, I love you too,  _ but he knew that those words were trying to keep him from telling the truth. 

And he needed to own up to it now. Vernon was seven. Stiles had known long enough. He had wasted Derek’s time for seven years. 

So he said it. 

“I don’t want kids.” 

Derek blinked hesitantly at him. Stiles understood that it must come as a shock, so he continued. He needed to explain it the best he could. 

“Like, never. I think I’m best as a sort of fun uncle, you know? I’m great as a fun uncle and - ah, fuck!” He swatted his panicked tears away from his face. This is what he got for being selfish. “You deserve better than that, you deserve to be a dad and cuddle with your kin and raise a family and I can’t give you that. I - I won’t give you that, and I’d give you the moon, or anything you ever asked for, except that.” 

Derek was still on his knees. Poor guy. Trying to comprehend that Stiles had willfully lied for seven years, just to keep Derek around him a little longer. 

Then Derek furrowed his eyebrows at him. 

“Okay, what are you on about?” 

Stiles gestured wildly with his free hand, the one that wasn’t being cradled lovingly by Derek. 

“I’m talking about the fact that you deserve everything you want. You deserve to have kids and be a great dad. You deserve to have family again and I am so fucking selfish, because I know I can’t give you that, and I’ve kept you anyway!” 

Derek looked at his face, a hint of annoyance in his face. He rolled his beautiful, green eyes. “Stiles, I don’t want kids.” 

“What?” said Stiles, then frowned. “Of course you do.”

Oh, god, was Derek now pretending that he was fine with the fact that he would be childless and alone if he stayed with Stiles? God, Stiles had really fucked up. 

“You’re all about family, and you’re great with the kids, and god I’m so fucking stupid!” 

Derek scoffed and smirked. 

“Yes, you are.” 

That actually shut Stiles up. Derek’s face softened in a fond expression. 

“I don’t want kids, Stiles. I am good with kids, but you know the best part of kids? It’s that you can hand them back to their parents when they become too much. If I had a kid,  _ I’d _ be the parent. People would handle the kid over to me to deal with.” Derek shook his head. “God, can you imagine the hassle?” 

“But,” Stiles said and blinked. “What about the pack?” 

“The pack isn’t about blood,” Derek said and gave him a dubious look like it was obvious. “The pack is more than biology, it’s an instinct, a commitment. Our pack wouldn’t be  _ more pack _ to me if I had a kid in it than it already is.” 

Stiles blinked. “I -  _ what _ ?” 

“We’ve been together for ten years, Stiles.” Derek smirked. “Don’t you think that if I had wanted kids I would have brought that up in, I don’t know, anywhere in the last ten years?” 

“You don’t want kids.” Stiles said, trying to wrap his head around it. Derek shook his head. 

“Not even a little bit.” 

“Even though you’re good with kids?” 

“I think you underestimate how freeing it is to ship those little monsters back to their parents to deal with,” Derek said fondly. “And besides, imagine all the impromptu sex we’d have to forgo if we had a kid.” 

Stiles did imagine it. Pushing Derek into the closet to suck him off when everyone else was busy at holidays would have to stop. Get Derek to bend over the kitchen table for a quickie, too. Probably all the moments when Derek suddenly just appeared behind him and tossed him down on nearest available surface to have his way with him, as well. 

“You’ve been thinking about this for a long time, haven’t you?” Derek said. The smirk grew wider. 

“Only seven years,” Stiles grumbled. Derek laughed. 

“You idiot,” he murmured, then kissed his hand. “Now, back to my question, about us getting married.” 

Still, Stiles had to be sure.

“You mean, get married and  _ not _ have kids? And be totally fine with that?” he asked. A small flicker of hope started to tickle in his chest. “And therefor be able to continue our impromptu sex-marathons indefinitely?” 

“Yes, that is what I mean,” Derek said certainly. 

Stiles pursed his lips and thought about it. He hadn’t given himself the chance to even hope for this. 

“Well…” he said slowly. “Do you have a ring?” 

Derek smirked and pulled it out from his pocket. Stiles looked at it, tossed his head back and laughed. 

“Derek, that’s a cockring.” 

“I know.” Derek sounded far too smug for his own good. “Couldn’t do that if we had a kid now, could I?” 

“Please don’t tell me you’re proposing to me and all you have is a cockring.” Stiles panted through laughter. 

“Well, it’s not  _ all _ I have, but  _ it is _ important.” Derek said. Stiles just laughed harder, and whenever he calmed down enough to look at Derek again Derek would raise the cockring and smirk and Stiles would start laughing again. 

“Say yes,” he said, softly, about the fourth time Stiles had calmed. 

Stiles finally managed to gain enough strength to inspect the cockring for a longer period of time. It looked like it was in some kind of black metal, with something that shimmered around the ring like Mother of Pearl or something. It actually looked pretty cool, and expensive. 

“Yes,” Stiles said and laughed again, and Derek tossed himself around his waist and hugged him for dear life. Stiles buried his hands in Derek’s hair. 

“But seriously, fish forth the other ring or else I’m showing this one to  _ everyone _ .” Stiles said and smirked. “Especially my father.” 

Derek huffed and wiggled around, then raised his chin up to rest against Stiles stomach. 

“At least let me put this one on first,” he said and grinned cheekily. Stiles tilted his head and felt desire pool in his stomach. 

“Well I did think you dragged me here for a quickie,” he murmured and Derek laughed and unzipped his jeans. 

* * *

So okay, maybe Stiles wasn’t the shittiest person in the world for keeping kids out of the cards for Derek. Or maybe, Derek was a pretty shit-eating-grin person too, and their assholery just worked together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, I don't even know what this became in the end, but I like it! The ring Derek propose with is called Father of Pearl, made by King Rings if you want to look at it. It costs like 300$. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed!


End file.
